The weekly introduction:
This story is for Friday Fictioneers that is hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.
Friday Fictioneers is a group or arrangement that works as follows:
Every week you get a picture.
Prompted by that picture, you write a piece of fiction that is 100 words long (or as close as you can get).
You add a link to your story on the Fictioneers page, and read the (awesome) stories by the other Friday Fictioneers.
Feel free to join us! Everyone is welcome.
Below is the picture prompt for this week and below that is my story.
——-
Copyright Rich Voza
The long corridor was empty, thankfully. Heart pounding, she edged towards the exit, about 30 metres away.
She needed to get out before the nurse lying unconscious on the floor of her room came to.
A sound behind her.
She quickly flattened herself against a door, hoping that it would not open behind her.
Breath held.
Nothing.
She moved on, glad that her bare feet made no discernible noise on the shiny floor. But bare feet would be a problem once she got outside.
If she got outside.
She sprinted to the large twin doors, grasped the handles and pulled.
—
100 words
Your comments are welcome and much appreciated, even if I take long to respond and even if I do not respond individually. I read all your comments.
You can read pieces by other participants here:
Behind the Scenes
You can skip this part if you do not like seeing ‘The Making of [insert movie name]‘:
I saw this prompt and immediately thought of those movie scenes where someone is escaping from such a building. One day, I might challenge myself to write something not so literally related to the prompt. 🙂
I have been considering picking a few of these 100 word pieces and expanding them.
I couldn’t think of a catchy title for this one (not that the others have necessarily been catchy).
Baba Amor's Thoughts 
Dear Abraham,
Your story was well written and spot on target for the prompt and for building tension in your readers. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
Thanks Doug!
Hi Abraham,
You had me going with this one. I wanted to know why she’s escaping from the hospital. You set the stage and tone very well.
Shalom,
Rochelle.
PS Your idea of linking the photo prompt to the photographer/contributor is not a bad idea.
Thank you!
It’s one of the things I have learnt through ‘Friday’ Fictioneers – that sometimes you can just leave the story hanging and questions unanswered.
It also leaves room for future development 🙂
The suspense/tension was nicely captured. Well done.
Thank you, Sandra.
Very nice…precisely on point
Thanks Boomie!
Very well-written piece. I, too, wanted to know why she was escaping and what she would find on the outside. This would be a good one to expand in the future… It really felt like the beginning of something bigger. Good work!
Thanks!
I am a bit afraid of expanding it. I have no idea where the story will go. Maybe I will challenge myself with it
Great tension with all those short sentences.
I am happy to hear that 🙂
Well written Abraham, I was really drawn in to the story. It worked perfectly well without a title, but sometimes a title is useful to set the scene without having to use precious story-words to do so. I am not sure any of mine (titles) are catchy either.
Thanks Anne.
I think ideally the title should draw someone to click on it when it appears in a list (Recent Posts etc). But it’s not an ideal world 🙂
I liked this. I wanted to hear more.
I’m glad you liked it!
I hope she got outside 😉
Let’s hope so!
Thanks for visiting!
Hi Abraham,
Excellent suspense here. I thought this looked like a hospital. Glad you gave us a hopeful ending. Ron
I thought it was a hospital too.
About the ending, you must be an optimist 🙂
Very tense opening. I’d love to see what happens next
So would I! 🙂
A perfect 100 word story…ending right on cue!
Nice Job!
Tom
Thanks Tom.
Had me going all the way.
I am happy to hear that 🙂
The nervousness of your MC was palpable.
Very nice story, kept me hooked.
Good work!
Thanks, Parul!
Nicely done, Abraham. Good tension throughout. I wasn’t sure if she’d make it outside.
Thanks.
I’m not sure she did.
Right…I guess I’m just hoping.
“Go, nameless girl, go!” It reminded me of Sucker Punch and possibly Kill Bill, minus the sprinting part. Since the story ended there, I’ll just make up my own ending, where she escapes successfully and ends up on a tropical island, with monkey butlers to serve her.
LOLLL!!!! Do feel free to do that 🙂
Thanks for visiting and commenting!
No problem. I enjoyed it immensely. I’ll be back. 🙂
Well done Abraham. Good tension. I think it’s like the Truman Show. When she opens the door all she finds is a bunch of surprised looking camera technicians and sound men. It’s all just a reality TV show, only nobody told her.
Now there is an idea!
Thanks for the kind words!
well done. tension is very evident. good luck to her escape. ormaybe she was being held for a good reason. uh oh. we will never know.
Thanks Rich!
Good job! But did she really get away? What’s beyond the twin doors?
Hey, that might be a good title!
LOLL!!
I will remember that for the next one – just twist a few words from the story and you have a title!
Holy cow! You’ve done a great job building tension, and putting the reader into your narrator’s head. I love the fact that you addressed the problem of the bare feet when she gets outdoors. Well done!
Thanks.
Yes, bare feet can be a problem when being chased/trying to escape.
hmmm what kind of hospital? That’s my question. Good story! 🙂
Thanks.
Many questions to be answered.
nice job. Poor nurse…
Risks of the job 🙂
I got a feeling she should not escape at all, though barefoot I think that what she did to the nurse should be a warning to us all. I will lock my doors tonight. Well written.
LOLLL!! Stay safe.
I think you’ve created a nice start to something bigger. I’d like to see where it’s going. Why is she running and who is she running from. Is she in a regular hospital or somewhere different? More secure, possibly. You have left this story open to countless many options. It’s exciting. Great 100 words.
Thanks Debra!
I think I will develop it further.
Okay you left me hanging. Did she get out? Love the rush your story provided.
We are all left hanging
I’m glad it gave you a rush 🙂
I was thinking of a corporate “think tank” who imprison some of the most influencial brains in the world against their will, to scientifically manipulate their (brain) cells for evil. Kind of like a James Bond, Bourne Identity, Michael Crichton sci-fi thriller.
Love it! Great motivation to write!
Hey Abraham! Yes! She got out 🙂 I really, really like your style of writing. It’s flows so fluidly which just helps the story. Really liked your piece. And yes, we did indeed write a similar theme! 🙂
Wow!
Thanks so much for the kind words.