The weekly introduction:
This story is for Friday Fictioneers that is hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.
Friday Fictioneers is a group or arrangement that works as follows:
Every week you get a picture.
Prompted by that picture, you write a piece of fiction that is 100 words long (or as close as you can get).
You add a link to your story on the Fictioneers page, and read the (awesome) stories by the other Friday Fictioneers.
Feel free to join us! Anyone is welcome.
Below is the picture prompt for this week and below that is my story, and below that an earlier draft.
——-
“I thought these isolation disasters only happened in movies.”
Andrew regarded the empty refrigerator.
“Where people fish and hunt to eat.” Jake replied, standing at the window, gazing out at the snow.
“Yes. After the polar bear incident, fishing and hunting lost their appeal.”
Jake thought of the ice axe that had fallen behind the broken Communicator during the bear incident.
“I’m hungry.” Jake turned towards Andrew.
“Want to take your chances out there with the predators?”
Jake reached behind the Communicator.
“Not outside.” He grasped the ice axe. “In the movies the trapped people end up eating each other.”
——-Below is an earlier version ——-
“I thought these isolation disasters only happened in movies.”
Andrew regarded the empty refrigerator.
“And in movies the trapped people end up eating each other,” Jake replied, standing at the window, gazing out at the snow.
“So the thought occurred to you too.”
“Yes. After the polar bear incident, fishing and hunting lost their appeal.”
Jake thought of the ice axe he had hidden behind the Communicator while trying to repair it.
“I’m hungry.” Andrew turned towards Jake.
“Want to take your chances out there with the predators?”
“Not outside.” Andrew was eyeing Jake.
Jake stepped backwards towards the Communicator.
——-
Your comments are welcome and much appreciated, even if I take long to respond and even if I do not respond individually. I read all your comments.
Behind the scenes – you can skip this part if you do not like seeing ‘The Making of [insert movie name]‘:
I had promised my wife that for last week, I would write something non-violent. This week, I did not promise my wife any such thing. (Freedom!) In fact, I do not even think she has read the non-violent piece I wrote. Sigh! In her defence, she has been quite busy looking after family interests ๐
The story I wrote last week left readers making all sorts of guesses. Many of these guesses were actually more interesting than the original story. (When I grow up, I want to be as imaginative as other Friday Fictioneers). However, I felt I had not communicated as well as I should have. So this week I promised to be clearer. Or at least to try.
Part of the problem was that I wrote the story on Friday morning, so I did not really have time to let it rest, then edit. (I think relocating one sentence would have cleared many things up). So this week I wrote earlier, but still ended up posting early :-).
Each story is 100 words long ๐
Oh oh Jake is definitely worse than the predators outside… Yuck lol. I think he has seen too many cannibalistic movies… Double yuck. Well done on this
Hehehehehe! Is that a comment about the author? ๐
Thanks!
lol…not at all. BUt that imagination of his had my skin crawling. I must find your wife and tell her, so next week there will be no violence lol.
You did a great job on this, it got me alright ๐
Noooooo! Not the non-violent restriction! ๐
Good one! I just started following your blog.
Thanks and thanks for following.
You should try the Friday Fictioneers. It challenges your writing and you get to read lots of interesting pieces (though you can do that without writing)
Glad it’s not lunch time yet. ๐
Ewww, A well done look into the heart of a desperate person.
Oh dear. Beautifully disturbing story, Abraham. Let’s not do lunch, though. ๐
Oh dear!
I’ve blown my chances of lunch with our Great Leader?
Maybe I should stick with non-violent stories ๐
Hi Abraham,
I think the second version is a little more subtle. Either way, it’s a bare-bones story with great appetite! Ihave to go have a snack now. Ron
Thanks Ron.
I really debated which one should go up. Evidently I decided not to choose ๐
Did you manage to finish the snack? ๐
Hi Abraham…Glad I finished my dinner before reading this. I think you should make a pact with your wife to alternate stories. One week … a thriller, or creepy one. Next week…a sweet, tender one (for her). And so on and so forth. Just an idea.
Thanks for the idea.
Some prompts just whisper ‘Creeeeepppyyyyyyy!’
How can I resist? ๐
Two Abrahams for the price of one! I like the earlier version best. And who would want to miss your explanation? I can really see your story when I look at the prompt.
Then I’m glad I included the earlier version ๐
Thanks for the feedback!
Glad I didn’t read this before lunch. Nice one, suitably terrifying.
I think your changes made a big difference. As the reader, I didn’t suspect the evil intent until the last line. Well done!
Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/11/08/flash-friday-fiction-15/
Thanks!
I read yours. The thought of insanity is unsettling.
Well done, Abraham. I definite;y like the final version with the ‘reveal’ at the end. As for having time to re-write, it varies for me. I’ve not been at it much longer than you, but some weeks I can seem to write my piece, change a few words and it’s done. Other weeks – like this one – I think finished the first draft Thursday lunchtime, and after that rewrote the whole thing twice later in the day. Picked it up again this morning, and rewrote half of it again!
Abraham your work gets better by the week! Do not be afraid of the dark side and make no promises when it comes to your writing to anyone but you.
Tom
Thank you. I am emboldened! ๐
Chilling story.. I think I need to hide my ice axes better.
Or to keep them handy ๐
Nicely done! And yuk!
Chilling, indeed. I almost like your first version better, at least the way it ends. I think it ends stronger with, “Jake stepped backwards towards the Communicator.” Well told story!
I think you have plenty of imagination. I think of each prompt as a chance to storyboard a new idea in 100 words. As to your stories, I like the surprise at the end with the 100 words, but if it were longer the second version might work better as it builds the tension.
Thanks for the kind words.
Yes, each prompt is a good chance to try something new.
Dear Abraham,
And hunger is the best sauce. Between a polar bear and man? not much of a choice.
Great story.
Aloha,
Doug
You had me at “Jake turned towards Andrew.” ๐
๐ Thanks!
I’m new doing the Fictioneers, being my 2nd or 3rd one. Yours is truly creepy. I can see it happening though. ๐
Thank you! ๐
I liked the first one better (the second one you posted.) Love the evil of it.
Hope Jake doesn’t like Kosher food! Funny little tale …
Both of these work really well, but I think the earlier version has the edge because the reader knows Andrew and Jake are thinking the same thing but only one can reach the axe. Great work!
Thanks for the comment.
I wasn’t sure if letting the reader know what they were thinking so soon was good or bad, yet I liked the promise of violent action at the end.
that was crazy! really scary.. wonderful!
Great post and outstanding story. I like the concept of Friday Fictioneers.
I, too, like stories that grip you. Unfortunately for me, it’s the ones where someone dies.
My wife wanted me to write a story where no one dies. I wrote a few and she loves them.
However, the following link is a story where someone dies, but in a cute sort of way.
Thank you!
I will read yours in a few moments.